Adam and Eve is a great story because it sets the tone right away for what it takes to buy into the Bible. They don’t bullshit around for like 9 minor prophet books and try to sneak in the story with the talking snake somewhere in the middle. If I were writing the Bible I think I’d warm the crowd up with maybe a story about feeding a big crowd or walking on water but the Bible just dives straight in. Welcome to the Bible, kids, here’s a story about a snake who convinced a woman to eat some fruit and now that’s why your parents are dead and nobody’s naked. Buckle up Johny, it ain’t getting better. Mad respect to Biblical authors for starting off with that shit show.
About that shit show. What’s going on here? God waited essentially all of infinity to create some people who looked like him because he was lonely and tired of the angels and all the drama so he creates people and like 6 verses later he’s already like ‘Fuck it, you won’t live forever. New plan gang, you’re all going to die and life will be hard because the mother of literally all of you just had to eat the fruit from that one tree.’ He didn’t want anyone to eat that fruit but he still decided to put right outside of their patio? What are the odds Adam or Eve ever even found that ONE freaking tree that dooms us all if God just left it alone and didn’t mention it? All knowing God planned for us to live forever but literally the first and tiniest hurdle for us to cross over we fail miserably and he didn’t see that coming? He thought we’d be able to just not be tempted even though he let Satan just kick it in the garden with Adam and Eve? Also, what was Satan doing there? Didn’t God already know he was up to no good. If I had just finished making a volcano for my 4th grade science class I wouldn’t let my cat just hang out on the table pawing at it. If for some reason I did let my dick cat use it as a scratching post I wouldn’t be surprised and blame the volcano for getting shredded. Sometimes I just have to remind myself that His ways are higher than mine. It may seem like the Bible takes the crazy and cranks it up to 11 and adds a microphone right from the get go but that is just because you the reader lack faith and need to just trust. Ok? Ok.
Story Time with Dave 